With house prices and cost of living souring, many people are much older when they finally leave home. Some adult children go to University, travelling or rent a place to live with friends or a partner and then return home to save up.
Living with your adult child is a different experience than living with your younger children.
At Sharing Parenting we have put together a few tips which might help negotiate a happy and healthy place to live for you all:
- Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Remember that by providing a home you are helping them reach the first three rungs on Maslow’s triangle -1.Shelter, food, sleep etc. 2. A place of safety 3. Love and belonging. By doing this you will enable them to move up to 4. Self esteem and 5. Self Actualisation (and maybe their own place?)
- Needs
Be aware that living adult to adult is different than adult to child. There will be different needs for you and them. Give them their own space (physical and time) and take time to fill your jug too.
- Encourage
Encourage them to take responsibility – ask them to financially contribute to food and bills (even if it is a small amount) Ask them to cook for themselves and/or to cook for the whole family once a week. Continue to discipline/teach/model them skills for their future (how to pay bills/DIY/ check air in their car tyres etc. and encourage them to teach others those skills too.
- Choice and Consequence
Use choice and consequence if you feel in a power struggle (do you want to eat with us at 6pm or will you get your own meals?)
- House Rules and I Statements
Set house rules and use I statements– I like the living room to be a calm, tidy space so please keep your things in your room/cupboard etc. when you are not using them.
- Active Listening
Actively listen to them without labelling (they probably would rather have moved out too!) Support them to plan and make goals for their future – help them to identify their interests and skills to move forward.
