You may be worried about how your child will be when they are an adult – there is a lot of negative talk about men in the media at the moment.

At Sharing Parenting we talk a lot about ‘modelling’ behaviours. That’s because children need good role models to show them how to become good men and women in their future.

In the book ‘Raising Boys’, Stephen Biddulph writes about putting good men in the paths of boys – before they find their own role model – who may not be one you agree with.

Obviously, Dad’s play a major role but so do Uncles, Grandads and Teachers. Additionally, you may want to get your child involved in a sports, music, drama or other club where they have an interest and can see how adults model positive behaviours.

Look out for adults with assertive behaviours like active listening, keeping calm, saying sorry, sharing feelings etc. The men and women around your child can help shape their understanding of strength, kindness, responsibility and emotional resilience.

Good role models don’t have to be perfect. Boys benefit from seeing men who are emotionally available, respectful and accountable. They need examples of men who can be strong without being harsh, confident without being arrogant and caring without feeling weak.

Support your child by:

• Sharing feelings
  Show that it’s okay to express your feelings. Talk about your own challenges and how you handle them. This teaches boys that emotional strength includes vulnerability, not avoidance. For example, if you burn the dinner you could say ‘That made me feel very cross but I have to remember that accidents happen!”  
• Demonstrate respect in relationships
  Be careful how you treat others—partners, friends, strangers—as they will be watching you. Respect, kindness and patience are learned through everyday interactions like saying ‘thank you’ to the shop assistant or trying to explain calmly to the person on the phone when something goes wrong – and not taking it out on them.
• Be present and engaged
  Remember ‘The best thing you can spend on your child is time’. Your children need your time and attention more than material things. Try to make time in the week to listen, play or simply be available to your child/ren (phones away!). Some adults find child-led play easier and even 20 minutes a day can make a big difference to them.
• Take responsibility for your actions
  Admit mistakes and show how to make things right. Model saying sorry and showing them that no one is perfect. This will make it easier for them to say sorry too.
• Help them take responsibility
  Help boys feel useful and capable. Give them child appropriate responsibilities and celebrate effort, not just outcomes, so they develop a healthy self esteem. It is much more effective to encourage throughout a task rather than waiting to praise them at the end.

Boys become good men when they see good men—and good people—around them. In a culture that can sometimes send mixed messages about masculinity, they will be following your example.

You can find lots more positive strategies here: www.sharingparenting.com/category/strategies/

You can find lots more online parenting videos and vlogs here: www.sharingparenting.com/for-parents/sharing-parenting-courses/online-sharing-parenting-courses/